Wanting Amanda Read online

  Wanting Amanda

  By Wendy Silk

  Text Copyright © 2018 Wendy Silk

  All Rights Reserved

  Table of Contents

  Chapter 1: Uncertainty

  Chapter 2: Trapped

  Chapter 3: Humiliation

  Chapter 4: Unfulfilled

  Chapter 5: Explanations

  Chapter 6: Confrontation

  Chapter 7: Bargaining

  Chapter 8: Reinvention

  Chapter 9: Wanting

  Chapter 10: Seduction

  Chapter 11: Ease

  Chapter 12: Fever

  Chapter 13: Reminiscing

  Chapter 14: Surveillance

  Chapter 15: Connection

  Chapter 16: Absence

  Chapter 17: Secrets

  Chapter 18: Mistakes

  Chapter 19: Incompatibility

  Chapter 20: Understanding

  Chapter 21: Desolation

  Chapter 22: Capitulation

  Chapter 23: Caught

  Chapter 24: Repercussions

  Chapter 25: Pleading

  Chapter 26: Comprehension

  Chapter 27: Waiting

  Chapter 28: Reunion

  Chapter 29: Certainty

  Chapter 1: Uncertainty

  Amanda swung her tanned legs free from her soft cotton sheets. In one movement, she was on her feet, stepping through the May sunlight that slivered across Central Park and through her silk curtains. She had slept as late as she could, with this particular day hanging over her.

  “Mom!” Amanda called out, her voice carrying through the high-ceilinged New York apartment. Her bare feet padded down the polished hardwood hallway, just as they had every morning for the ten years that she and her mother had lived in her stepfather’s exclusive Upper East Side co-op building. It was different in so many ways from the middle class Houston suburb where Amanda had grown up.

  “Amanda, good morning!” Jennifer’s voice sang out to her daughter as she reached the breakfast room. “Did you get enough sleep? You must be so excited about the party this evening!”

  Amanda reached up to rub her eyes, concealing her tense expression from her mother’s gaze. Her restless night showed in the dark circles beneath her eyes. Her long, blond hair was tousled from tossing and turning all night as she had struggled with her deep regret over having agreed to marry Michael.

  “Mom, I know it’s exciting for you to get to host our engagement party tonight, but maybe I could talk to you about something first.” It was hard to know how much bad news her mother could stand to hear, especially after working so hard to plan this party. Jennifer’s optimism was one of the mainstays of Amanda’s existence. How could she bear to tell her that it had all been terribly misplaced?

  “Amanda, I would love to talk over anything with you,” her mother smiled. “But I’m afraid it will have to wait for the moment. I have to run out and see a few people this morning. I also need to get those caterers on the phone to check on things for tonight. Oh, and the valet parking...” Her words trailed off as she left the breakfast room and disappeared into the panelled office that served as the base for her extensive charity projects.

  Amanda smiled at the distracted air that a long to-do list had always given her mother. Even when they were living alone, just the two of them, after Amanda’s father had died in a car accident, Jennifer had tried to do more for other people that she really had time for. Amanda smile grew brighter momentarily as she saw the breakfast her mother had left sitting out for her. No matter how worrisome the situation was, the smell of bacon and eggs wafting up from the table was impossible to ignore.

  Amanda applied herself to the happy task of eating breakfast, not allowing herself to wonder if her silk gown would still fit if she ate heartily. Looking good was the least of her worries. In fact, maybe if she could find a way to sabotage her appearance between now at the party this evening, Michael might release her from their agreement.

  Amanda jerked her head, startled, as another young woman entered the room. Her quick movements almost spilled her coffee. Her hands shook as she straightened the cup.

  “A little bit nervous, huh?” Amanda’s best friend, Hailey, brashly teased her as she took a chair across from her. Hailey smiled with understanding at Amanda’s confusion. “You must have been dreaming about your wedding night,” she laughed. “I know we always used to plan what it would be like when we were kids.”

  Despite herself, Amanda returned the banter. “Yes, in the second grade, when we met, I was sure I wanted to marry a firefighter. I thought we’d live above the fire station and it would be so exciting.”

  “I remember that!” Hailey exclaimed. “But we never had a plan for you to marry a handsome, rich lawyer, did we? Even when we were in college and you used to send me long emails about the guys you were dating, I never thought you’d end up with somebody like Michael. I’m so glad I came up to stay with you for this party. I wouldn’t have been able to picture him just from your description.” She furrowed her brow, wondering if she should backtrack. “I don’t mean anything against him. He’s older, but that’s kind of sexy.”

  Amanda relaxed. Would she finally be able to confide her concerns?

  “Hailey, that’s something that’s been on my mind. Michael is so much older than we are; he’s really a friend of Nathan’s. Well, of course he is, he’s the new partner at Nathan’s office. But what I mean is that maybe he doesn’t understand me like he ought to. Maybe we didn’t have enough of a foundation of friendship to make this work.”

  “Amanda, are you getting cold feet?” Hailey spoke lightly, not understanding the gravity of Amanda’s concern. “I think that Michael is perfect for you. He’s perfect all around! It’s just so romantic the way he chose you and then proposed to you after such a whirlwind courtship. What do your mom and Nathan think?”

  “Mom would agree with anything that she thought would make me happy,” Amanda replied. “You know that. And Nathan is the same as he’s been ever since he married my mom. He is kind to me; I would never complain about the way he treats me. But I don’t think he really sees who I am. The way he pushed me and Michael together is actually the most attention he’s ever directed my way.”

  “He has always been good to you, I’d say,” Hailey retorted. “What about the life you lead here? Your years working on your degree at Columbia? And, I know, don’t forget about the chance you had to spend six months in Ireland after graduating.” Her round cheeks flushed with sudden embarrassment at her sharp words. “Amanda, I don’t know what’s come over me. I’m sorry. I have to admit that sometimes I get jealous of your fancy life here, while I’m still living the same way we always did back home. That sounded awful, I know.”

  Amanda reached out her hands, placing them over Hailey’s, across the table. “You don’t ever need to apologize for saying what’s on your mind. That’s not what our friendship is about. And you’re right. I was moaning about something stupid. I know I should be grateful for the fact that my mom and Nathan fell in love and that we live here now. There are so many luxuries that we have here that I never would have had.”

  “You’re lucky too though,” Amanda continued. “While I was doodling away at my short stories in Dublin for six months, you were moving way ahead of me. Look at you, starting grad school before me, when we always planned to do everything together. Maybe our subjects are different--I could never work in the chemistry lab for the long hours that you do--but we swore we would find a way to share an apartment together sometime. Now we never will.”

  “No, but you’ll be living in a palace here in New York while you do your grad work at your beloved Columbia. You’ll be a married woman, directing your kitchen staff in whatever spare time you can find betwee
n shopping for Ferraris and couture.” Hailey was laughing out loud now at the caricature she was painting of Amanda’s new life. Her sense of humor was just as contagious now as it had been when they had become fast friends at the age of eight. Helplessly, Amanda surrendered herself to the giggles that Hailey could always bring out in her.

  It was only later, as Amanda was alone in her room, running her hands along the impossibly soft fabric of tonight’s evening gown, that she was overcome with despair at the trap she had walked into. Marrying Michael would be a colossal mistake when it came to her own happiness, but it was something she had to do to protect her family.

  Chapter 2: Trapped

  Amanda remembered the night that Michael had proposed to her at the gala. It had been two weeks since it happened, but the shame that her memories evoked in her was as fresh as if it had been moments ago.

  “Are you finished with your wine?” Michael gestured impatiently at her glass. Amanda knew he didn’t mean anything by his sharp tone. He was just bored by these charity events. She had invited him as her date to the annual museum gala, thinking he would be glad for the chance to spend some social time with the Manhattan elite families who had thus far only been available to him as business contacts.

  “Michael, you don’t need to be so tiresome,” Amanda couldn’t help answering. “I know you feel out of place at these events, but I promise, nobody else thinks you are. This is the part of the evening that lags for all of us, not just you.”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” Michael retorted. “This has been a successful evening for me, for us. I’ve been watching the way that your mother works the room, making each of these women feel like she is the most important donor here.”

  “You make it sound like she’s doing something dishonest, “Amanda replied. “She genuinely believes in this project. Her committee has worked hard to put together the funding for this art installation. What’s wrong with spending an evening celebrating that, while at the same time making sure that the donors are happy?”

  Michael frowned slightly. “There’s nothing wrong with making sure people know where they stand, of course. But I would have expected that Nathan’s friends would welcome me more now that I’m a partner in the firm.” His grimace became more of a sneer. “And good heavens, your friends are even worse. I can’t believe the level of self-importance that the younger crowd brings to these things. All they do is say hello to the old folks, stay long enough to be photographed in the clothes that cost their parents a fortune, then drift outside to make out in the gardens.”

  Amanda bit her lip to keep from replying that she wished she was doing that as well. She couldn’t keep from answering, though, and the words spilled out. “Michael, what’s wrong with that? These are my friends, the people I went to school with for years. They aren’t as shallow as you make them sound. One day, they’ll be the older generation that runs the charities and disburses those fortunes to make the city a better place. Until then, what’s wrong with having a little fun while we’re still young?”

  “I’m not as young as you,” Michael answered. “I’m a decade older, and I’ve used that time to build a fortune that some of your friends would find staggering. So why have they all left our table? Why don’t any of them give me the time of day?”

  Amanda ruefully and silently agreed that this was true. “Michael,” she pleaded. “Don’t take that personally. They like you fine. They just want to get onto the dance floor.” She tried to make a joke of it. “Really, they just want to get drunk and go outside so they can feel each other up against a wall and then go home together.”

  Michael was unamused. “First off, if we’re sitting at a table of people in their twenties, I’d expect they would show me more respect. I’ve accomplished more than any of them. Secondly, that’s just crass, to use an event like this as an excuse to play silly sex games.”

  Amanda glanced at the clock. How much longer would she have to sit here on this endless disaster of a date before she could go home herself?

  “Michael, do you like my gown?” she tried to change the subject. She sat very straight, allowing her breasts to press forward against the silver sheened silk of her bodice. “I was thinking of you when I chose this color.” That was only a small lie, she reflected. Her mom had chosen the dress months ago, during her seasonal replenishing of Amanda’s vast closet.

  Amanda tried again, wishing she could provoke any kind of response from Michael. “I was thinking of you when I put the dress on this evening,” she purred. “When I slipped it on after my shower.”

  Michael ground out, “That’s fine, it’s a lovely dress.” His distracted eyes had settled on Walter Brett, one of Nathan’s closest friends, who was moving toward them with the unshakeable confidence that came with being a scion of one of the oldest families in New York.

  Walter reached them and spoke in his thoughtful tones, “Amanda, what a pleasure it is to see you here. I know you wouldn’t miss it, though, with your mother the woman of the hour.” He took her proffered hand, then shook easily with Michael. “And how nice to have you here with us, Michael. I’ve just been hearing from Nathan that you and Amanda are spending a lot of time in each other’s company these days. What was it, a day of sailing that brought you together?”

  Michael answered stiffly, “Yes, Nathan thought that Amanda I would get along, so he planned a day out on the water for us. I’m a very good sailor.”

  “I’m sure you are,” Walter replied, his keen eyes almost twinkling. “It’s a wonderful way to get to know each other, spending all day on a deck, scantily clad.” He smiled at his own quip and moved on.

  “Nathan knew from the start that we’d have a lot in common,” Michael directed his words at Amanda, as if she had questioned him. She didn’t answer, as she couldn’t in fact think of anything they had in common.

  Michael stood in a rush, holding his hand out for hers. “You didn’t answer me, but I can see you’ve finished your wine. Let’s go.”

  There was no point in arguing. Amanda was dying to go home. Maybe it was still early enough that she could catch Hailey on the phone.

  However, Michael turned toward towards a quiet hallway that led further into the building, not toward the exit that would expel them onto the noisy, bright streets of Manhattan. With her hand captured tightly in his, Amanda had no choice but to follow him.

  “Amanda, I need to talk to you about something important,” Michael said. “Can we get a moment’s peace from this crowd?”

  “Of course we can,” she replied. “But I’ve already told you, these are my friends. I like them. You don’t have to try to control me in every situation.” She had let the last words slip out without meaning to. She softened her tone, “Really, they could be your friends too, if you’d relax a little. I have to say, I think I may be developing a headache. It might be time to call it a night.”

  “I can get us up to the roof garden,” Michael said, as if he hadn’t heard her. “You must know that the caretaker almost never gives out those keys. But I managed to get them.”

  Amanda couldn’t help gushing a little over the idea. “Michael, how fun! I’ve never been up to that garden, although I once heard Mrs. Wilson say it was beautiful. That’s where Rachel Wilson got engaged.”

  “I had not heard of anybody else ever receiving permission to go up here privately.” Michael sounded stiffer than an old fashioned school teacher. “If you’re sure that Mrs. Wilson wasn’t embellishing her story.”

  Amanda smiled ruefully down at her feet. “Sorry, I don’t really know them all that well. Maybe I misunderstood the story.” She would do anything right now to be able to leave this tiresome man who appeared childishly obsessed with what he imagined to be the exclusive privileges of the city.

  As they stepped out into the night air, Amanda thought, “We might be walking together, but we have so little in common that there is nothing to connect us. We could drift apart right now, and neither of us would mind.”

&nbs
p; As if he had read her thoughts, Michael spoke, “Amanda. I hope we never drift apart.” He took her hand in his, leading her to a stone bench. “Amanda, my dearest love. I want us to be together forever. I want you to be mine for eternity. I want you. Will you marry me?”

  Amanda blinked. “Michael,” she stammered. “I just don’t know if I’m ready for a step like that. I’m flattered that you are asking me, but I’m too young to get married. There’s so much I am planning to do first.”

  Michael’s face was a mask of fury. “Amanda, you disappoint me. Do you really think you can refuse me? I want you, and I will have you.” His hand at her waist tightened until he held her in a claw-like grip. “Come here. I’ll show you what this can be.” Instead of sitting next to him on the bench, as she had been, she found herself on his lap. His dark hair was in disarray, and his eyes sparked at her with hot energy.

  Michael shifted toward Amanda, his mouth pressing against her smooth throat with urgency, then moving onto her lips with an insistent force. The pressure of his mouth must be bruising hers, she thought in a corner of her mind. Both his hands were now all over her, one pulling at her low neckline and the other curving across her rounded ass, trying to pull her even closer to him. She could taste the evening’s bourbon on his mouth.

  “Michael, stop,” she admonished him as she tried to stay calm. “Somebody might come up and see us.” Except that she knew nobody else could reach this private floor. Whatever was going to happen between them, it would take place without anybody else seeing or intervening. She tried again, “Michael, you don’t really think that I’ll agree to marry you right now, do you? While you’re grabbing me?”

  Instead of stopping, Michael’s touch became more urgent. He held her tighter in his arms, with his hands searching for every secret on her body. She could feel his stiff erection as he pulled her closer against his lap, trying to make her feel the bulge straining against his trousers, to make her acknowledge it.